What time is it? 12:04pm
What are you doing? homework and having a couch party (aka I sit on the couch and have a cold and my mom brings me juice)
What do you want most in the world today? not to be sick.
Last thing you ate? breakfast sandwiches made by mom
What has happened recently that made you happy? hung out with Jessica last night
What has happened recently that made you sad? had to cancel my trip to see my sisters due to illness
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? last few days have been hard living with Rick. I really miss him. And I know part of it is me missing the easiness, the company, the affection, but I do miss him and I didn’t expect it to be like this.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … if I can get my immune system together, I will be seeing missworuty’s face yayyy
What time is it? 12:15am
What are you doing? sitting in bed. just sitting.
What do you want most in the world today? I can’t believe there is only one more week of vacation left noooo
Last thing you ate? Last handful of chips in the house, now parents stop buying please
What has happened recently that made you happy? Had a really nice day with five tu’s, albeit a tiring one.
What has happened recently that made you sad? Turns out that I need sleep to live
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? Ha, WELL. I got a call from rick about an hour ago. TURNS OUT that his exam WASN’T tomorrow at 4, it was tonight at 7:30. He missed it. Partly my fault although he did check online to confirm but he had his course code wrong and yeah. Said he was gonna fail it anyway but the phone conversation was actually really…fun? We were laughing and joking and referencing things and neither were mad at the other because we don’t answer to one another anymore. First time we’ve felt like friends in a couple weeks actually.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … I am going to some workouty type place to cheer for wuugle as she lifts things and does other things that I don’t understand and will try not to wince.
What time is it? 6:33pm
What are you doing? was trying to do my crypto but I was interrupted by Rick and screaming and crying soon followed and now I’m just trying to calm down so I can do work but I’m so upset I just had to make some words so here I am I guess.
What do you want most in the world today? I just wish I had my own place.
Last thing you ate? popcorn
What has happened recently that made you happy? text from someone special made me stop crying mostly so I am very thankful for that.
What has happened recently that made you sad? Just Rick being generally insane until I get so mad that I have to yell and tell him to tell his story or just leave etc and he’s like “Wow I’m so glad that I’m not with you anymore” and I don’t even know why I care but I’m just so self conscious about being crazy and stuff. And it’s not like I want to be with him (I don’t) but when someone tells you that they’re glad they’re not with you because you’re too crazy it makes you wonder if you’re too crazy to ever be in a functioning relationship or even friendship. And like…I’m finally happy now for the first time in a long time and I just feel like I’m going to ruin it by being so ridiculous and I know it’s stupid because I know it’s Rick who’s being crazy and not me but I just can’t help but wonder if it IS me. I don’t even want to publish this because people do read it and I can’t stand burdening all my friends with my bullshit but if I don’t publish this then I’ll forget this feeling and I don’t want to. Because I have a bad memory and I need to hold on to this hurt so I don’t ever forget what he’s put me through. And now I’m just crying hysterically again and ugh I wish so much that I didn’t care. People do tell me nice things but those people don’t know me as well as he does. No one does. The person who knows me best in the world is the one who dislikes me the most. And that’s such a horrible feeling, I can’t even express.
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? On a lighter note I got an 80 on my speech I did on Monday. Pretty good for never having practiced and having wrote it <12 hours before presenting.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … I have to finish up this crypto so hopefully I am done crying by then.
What time is it? 9:59pm
What are you doing? finally off the phone with dad + family, now going to start on my coding assignment hooray nonstop school :/ It’s been a long day, I wish I could just take the night off, but ALAS I’m responsible now, who would have guessed it. Oh also have to email Niamh before bed!
What do you want most in the world today? It’s been such an up and down day, honestly, I just wish I could cry, I have so many emotions, and just like hug someone and they would go “shhh” but there is no time for silliness tonight, also no one to hug anyway.
Last thing you ate? popsicle during PLL if that counts, chicken burger for dinner if not.
What has happened recently that made you happy? woke up to a facebook message that made me smile. Then rocked my speech by some miracle. Then changed facebook relationship status. Awesomeness.
What has happened recently that made you sad? Well I was pretty annoyed by all the PLL things, gotta wait for Silina to get home from her night class and watch and text me so we can discuss things because I didn’t really follow it all tbh.
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? People being much more supportive re: status change than I thought, and less intrusive. A few texts etc, no one posting obnoxious comments with an abundance of unnecessary sad faces (yet), hopefully everyone just reads the status I made about it and goes on their merry way or continues to contact me in private, or just politely ‘like’ things.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … I have no classes and I will try to not sleep all day although honestly I could really use it.
What time is it? 12:10am
What are you doing? still working out the kinks in my speech that I have to give tomorrow afternoon.
What do you want most in the world today? kisses and cuddles. And vagina. Cuddles first though.
Last thing you ate? KD
What has happened recently that made you happy? playing with babytu and picking him up and him not crying about it
What has happened recently that made you sad? On the drive up Rick said something about being gay as a joke and I said “Hey, I’m telling your uncle you said that” (because his uncle is gay) and then he said “Yeah! You’re never going to even see my uncle again in your life” and then I just started bawling because it’s true, and I love his family. Especially his sassy uncle who wants to be my best friend.
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? So I picked up Rick from his parents’ and got on the highway to come back to Waterloo and as I’m merging he’s like “so I told my parents” !! And he didn’t even warn me because I came in to his house and said hi and talked to them and we all hugged goodbye and I THOUGHT his mom hugged me extra hard. And so apparently they were devastated and things but they were quite normal still towards me so that’s good. But his sisters weren’t there and so I guess they found out a couple hours ago when they got home from work. Awkward.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … night I’ll be changing my Facebook status to “single” for the first time in the history of me having Facebook. And then dating can commence…hooray!
What time is it? 5:38pm
What are you doing? letting myself relax for once. Should start work on my assignments though but I’m all distracted and happy right now
What do you want most in the world today? pizza. cuddles. salty things. pop. maybe like a hot tub or pool or something idk. THINGS.
Last thing you ate? cheese and crackers
What has happened recently that made you happy? Rick and I sat down and had another very adult talk about moving on and he thanked me because he said I was right and that we weren’t in love any more and he’s excited to date and stuff and we talked about timelines and agreed to not do anything until we become facebook unofficial, and then we talked about procedure for bringing people around the apartment and stuff and it was so nice and we were so happy.
What has happened recently that made you sad? I like to think that I’m cool but I’m not, HOW DOES ONE BE COOL I need to know because of reasons. Also I didn’t get any pie because the line was long and I had a class in 20 minutes. No pie on pi day, what is this even.
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? Rick is an adult.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … I have no classes so I will be being very productive and cleaning and if I can do enough and if it’s nice out I might treat myself to Starbucks because I said I would get to go if I got 60+ on my crypto midterm but I only got 54. BUT I did get 88 on coding and that is much higher than I expected so I think I sort of half deserve it. /rant
What time is it? 9:47pm
What are you doing? just finished dinner, going to do a bit of work on both speech and vlog
What do you want most in the world today? more time to read and sleep
Last thing you ate? dinner: chicken burgers and fries
What has happened recently that made you happy? we told Matt about our break up today and he was like wutreally and told us that he broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years a few weeks ago too. So everything is cool and now we all have more in common hooray
What has happened recently that made you sad? Dragged myself out of bed (late) and rushed to crypto, only to find that just the first 15 minutes was new material, the rest was basic number theory and group theory which I am more than familiar with, and my phone gets no reception in that room so I was very bored and I had to look super awake because Matt was sleeping beside me and Rick often answers questions and so a lot of attention was already being drawn to our area.
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? Rick is being really normal about what happened this weekend, save that one minor outburst. Still joking about it but it’s not in a rude way. I cannot believe that. Like, can I actually do shit now because that would be amazing omg.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … I will be uploading a new vlog to avoid being slapped by mrstu. Or worse.
Such complications but he is being such an adult. We decided for now:
Then comes Jessica/Silina, his close friends, and then the rest of our family that don’t know, then facebook. But as for when, we don’t know. Doing steps 1 and 2 for now, then we’ll go from there.
Hey you know what’s not fun, breaking up.
I still want both frying pans. They’re both mine anyway.
What time is it? 8:48pm
What are you doing? Studying crypto
What do you want most in the world today? time!
Last thing you ate? popsicle
What has happened recently that made you happy? Was basically as productive as I had hoped, but the day is just too short. Hope I can stay up fairly late.
What has happened recently that made you sad? Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of great friends and I’m thankful but I feel like I lost one in particular and I really don’t think it’s just my imagination. I mean, whatever, things happen but it has just got me a little sad atm.
What happened recently that you didn’t expect? Had my first friendship fight with Rick. It was nice because if he was being a dick it wasn’t my problem so I didn’t get stressed. Just said grow up etc and he went away for a while and came back normal and we didn’t have to do a whole “who should apologize” thing because I didn’t care and I just wanted to discuss dinner schedules and it was a huge load off.
Finish this sentence: Tomorrow … night I have my last midterm.